Thursday, August 14, 2008

Worst Feeling Ever

It's times like these that I have a hard time shaking... I have a little girl who clearly has a lot of needs. She needs many many reminders, she needs constant one-on-one attention, she needs constant direction - without which she will be found roaming around or standing alone with a blank look. Normally when I get really frustrated, I can laugh about it and step back. I say in my head, "Oh poor spacey one..." But today, at dismissal, when one table refused to stop singing our Red Song at the top of their lungs (cute but not a good time), one table kept opening their take-home folders and pulling out the contents asking questions about everything, and one table just sat there, I just about broke in half. And my poor spacey one was in front of me, staring off into space, take-home folder in front of her (not in her bag as asked 5 times). I said her name 3 times... each time getting louder. At this point I should have seen my father channeling through me and stopped. But I didn't. I slapped my hand on her table (it was loud) and said in my meanest voice, "I TOLD YOU TO PUT YOUR FOLDER IN YOUR BACKPACK." She looked at me like I was a monster - and I felt like one. And she complied. And I felt worse. Ugh. Tomorrow I am giving her a big hug and saying I am sorry. Hopefully she forgives me.

3 comments:

organized chaos said...

Ugh. I know that feeling all too well. The time I screamed "STOP" in a kid's face right in front of our principal...
At least we feel bad about these times and are not patting ourselves on the back for how strict we are and how we show the kids whose boss because we yell.

MemoryMaker said...

We all have those moments we " forget" and let something else inside us take over. Dont beat yourself up . This would be an opportune time to get a minute or two of one on one time and say you are sorry. Who knows--- it may turn into a great relationship building activity for both of you. I hope tomorrow is better.

Miss Mountain said...

You're only human . . . teacher's have their moments also. I agree with memorymaker, as this is a good opportunity to build a relationship. In the meantime, I think that is excellent to talk to your co-teachers to see if they are noticing the same behaviors when they work with this girl. I would also check in with her parents and open up a conversation about what exactly your concerns are and ask if the parents have any concerns also. Another step would be to check in with the last time she was given a hearing screen/test and possibly recommend a screening. Also, the girl may be overwhelmed by a lot of activity, loud noises, etc. in class and may cope by literally "shutting down". She may need more time to process during those hectic times. Does she have a preschool history that you know about? And what is her cognitive functioning when she entered? How is she functioning in other areas? If these behaviors are affecting her everyday functioning in class, she may need to be observed by a developmental specialist if she hasn't already.

Anyway, I hope you find some answers . . . and you eventually toss away the guilt in this situation. You've identified a need for your student, that can be a difficult conflict at first, but sometimes the "stuff" just needs to hit the fan before it gets better. All my best to you . . . please keep us updated. I will continue to read your blog! Thanks for your insights! They've been fun to read!