Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Superwoman

A colleague told me that I need to stop trying to be the superwoman I once was. Then I cried.

Let's rewind.

I have been back from maternity leave for one week and things have been going quite well. My kid loves his daycare provider as do I, my students are happy to have me back, as am I, and things are running relatively smooth at home with the new schedule. So what's the problem?

I feel like a half-sie. Or maybe a part-sie.

I don't feel like I am giving a full whole to being a teacher, to being a mom, or to being a wife. Instead I feel like I am giving only part of what I could or should. Yes, I know, I KNOW that this is normal, this will change, and I shouldn't be so hard on myself. But I can't help how I feel. It is what it is.

I know this is normally an outlet for me to rant, express frustration, or sometimes even joy, but I am consumed with trying to figure out this new life and there has been little room for the old pleasures. Hopefully I'll find my chi soon.

3 comments:

Jenny said...

This may be hugely unhelpful, but I'm not sure it changes. 5 1/2 years into parenting and working full time I still feel like I'm doing a poor job at everything. There are occasional feelings of success in all different areas of my life, but there is no good balance for me. I hope you feel better about it (than I do, later, whatever).

ChiTown Girl said...

I'm with Jenny. It never erally changes, I don't think. My "baby" is 15 1/2 (yikes!) and I've always worked full-time. I've been raising him on my own since he was a year and a half. When I decided to go to grad school (about 4 years ago) I added a second job (to pay the tuition!) while going to school, then last year, my brother and I opened a bar, which would be the third job! Talk about feelings of inadequecy! I'm now doing 4 jobs (counting Mommy!) and I feel like I'm doing a half-assed job at all of them most days :(

Just remind yourself that you're doing the best you can, and doing what you need to do for your family.

Snippety Gibbet said...

To whomever told you to not try to be a Superwoman, I would give them a hearty AMEN and a hug! I spent too much time after the birth of my daughter trying to be Superwoman. Years later, when I was bedragled and defeated, I realized what a crock it was to try. I'm a feminist and believe that women are a powerful lot, but don't believe that we have to kill ourselves to prove it. xox! jan